Hit your gspot people!

Haven't really been around much, life's been busy with well.. the usual. December and the stress it brings isn't making things better.. A lot going on that i might end up explaining later.. maybe not, we'll see.

Got something that takes some of the stress off thou. Not too long ago a new box from Eden ended up in my local post office. Always exciting to see what it contains. This time it was a g-spot vibrator. Cute little thing that doesn't make too much noise and sure does the trick. Not as good as the little fun thing i got last time but its still awesome. A bit too plastic ish for my taste but at least it doesn't have one of those weird rubbery smells which is always a good thing.

Thanks Eden for my new sextoy! 

Even if i'm not a active writer at the moment i do still read your blogs, hard to stop once you started.
Easy to get addicted for sure.

What do you want?

Haven't really been as good as writing this thing as i should have been.. Life kicks in, work, private things, meetings, friends.. just life in general. Haven't really had the proper motivation to write something either.. simply cause i don't know what people find interesting i suppose and there hasn't been too much Daddy time lately. We both been busy. i wish i had more time to spread on the people and things i care about. Its getting colder and darker and suddenly friends are more important then ever. Its easy to get depressed and you have to do everything you can do not go down that road. Thats not who i am and hopefully never will be, but when life is hard.. you sometimes have to fight your way to the things that make you smile. Kinda side tracked from the subject a little.. Sorry.. Too easy to put feelings to words sometimes.

Anyway-- What do you want me to write about, or actually, what do you want to read about?

Missing..

Right now all i can think about is how much i want a hand coming down on my arse.
Got a message from Daddy today that he found on the internet somwhere. "Spankings are like potato chips, just one is never enough".

So damn true.

The power of orgasm!

i know, i know. Havent been around much lately.. actually not at all. Life has been way too busy for my own good with my new position at work, new friends and the new found urge to be super social. Starting to get to know the small gang of D/s people in town as well which is awesome. Nice not having to hide things from people.

Anyway.. As most of you already know, i have my point system for orgasms. Actually not something i've used as much as i should. Dont know why, not been in the mood i suppose.. that is until i got the new toy from eden fantasys. Just had a urge to try it the other day. i mean, i've tried my share of vibrators and stuff but omg! This thing is awesome. Its my new favourite vibrator. Its not too loud and the vibrations are just perfect. It bends too! My other vibrator just got dumped for this thing.

Would never have thought something like this could do so much. So glad i got to try it. Thanks Eden for my new sextoy!

Made my own whip..

The other day i wrote this post about how maybe i needed a new hobby. Playing with paracord to be exact. Placed a order for 3 x 10meters saturday and it arrived in the mail tuesday. Went on youtube to find that tutorial i wanted to learn from and off it went.

First try (picture below) didn't go too well since it was all made of white rope in the tutorial i missed a small detail and it ended up having only 10 tails (lacking a middle). Used grey and purple for the first one. Its pretty but.. not pretty enough. Making one takes about one hour but it is a little tricky until you get the hang of it and since paracord is kinda hard to tie you need to pull the knots pretty hard.. lets just say. i have sore hands!

 Second one was much better. i realized my mistake and set out to make a new better one. Used all the purple in the first one so this one ended up grey and black. Much better color combination if you ask me but oh well. The second one is close to perfect. It has 14 tails. Haven't tried either of them yet except for on my inner thigh and one thing is for sure. The sound of these things are worse then the bite.. but that still hurts as fuck. Not sure i want to be the subject of a hard whipping with this thing.. Ouch!

Isn't it cool thou?

Mom expands her vocabulary

BDSM'ers don't typically talk much about their family, as the two subject don't often come up together. However...

My Mother works from home 4 days a week and uses public transportation the other day for what would be an hour commute by car. I gave her a ride home though myself. My mom works for an IT sector of a large company, however in a non IT manner, handling the more business side of the industry. It puts her in an awkward middle part of a venn diagram between understanding technology concepts and being completely inept at putting these concepts into action.

Mom was playing with my Droid2 phone and after getting over the shock of the naked slave in nadu position on my home screen she stumbled into voice activated Google search. She asks if she can search for anything and I tell her yes of course. She says she saw a word on one of those LOLcats sites and didn't understand it. She is under the mistaken impression that she has to shout in the phone for a response. So she presses the button and shouts at the top of her lungs into my phone.

"QUEEF!"

10 minutes into the hour drive home.

~Will

New hobby?

Turned on my computer to check facebook but ended up reading some of the kinkyblogs instead.
Ended up reading this post and got inspired to check out my favourite bookstore thanks to him. Found the book he recommended and the sidebar pops up saying "People buying this, also got this book..." and its one of the books by Two Knotty Boys. All that combined with the fact that a friend the other day said he was making his submissive a paracord collar got me thinking. Maybe its time i got myself a new hobby. Been thinking about trying my luck on making a whip forever! So.. why not start simple and make one with rope or in my case paracord. Found this online store that has a million colors and its cheap as hell. Might worth a try?
Anyone ever tried it? Help wouldn't hurt.

Anal poll is up...

Doesn't seem i have much choice here.. Mr Evil talked about doing this but thought it was a joke..
Guess not.. So the choice if yours. The poll is up on the side of the blog. Vote! and decide my fate.

You choose anal adventure part 1

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Hard weeks

Don't even know where to start, its been a hard couple of weeks in so many ways. Its been a real challenge but i'm happy to say both me and Mr Evil made it to the other side. A lot of thought, emotions and concerns has been rolling around in my head this week. Some are taken care of and others.. well left for a better time.
Hope to be back on track soon.

Also over the next few days, hopefully another toy review/sexstory coming your way. Its a analtoy this time and have a feeling Master has a plan for it..

Your girl has a slutty kinky mind...

Sometimes conversations take a weird turn

Master - Should be sleeping

me - i'm sorry, if i'm the reason your not.

Master - fillmywetstinkyholewithyourlog.com

me - eh..

Master - just go there

me - eh, wow

Master - twofingerpussydance.com

me - wow....

Master - and you thought it'd be dirty.

me - yes i did.

Master - No idea why

me - your girl has a slutty kinky mind cause of you

Mia Master

Its not as serious as it sounds, i hope. i'm so used to Daddy being on my arse about the small and big things during the day that, now i'm worried.

Talked to Him last night before i went to bed. He called from work. i like to think its cause i said i miss Him but never know. We talked a little, laughed and things were as normal. i got slightly yelled at for something stupid i had done and He gave me a small punishment (glad i got that instead of bad girl points). We said our nighty nights and i jumped in bed. That was about 24h ago and haven't heard a word since. Not a response to my punishment assignment, no comment on my breakfast picture or dinner picture, not even a answer to my "i love you" text. Not a word.

He was suppose to have the day off today but His schedule changes more often then not so hard to know.
i did beg Him to send me a text if His day off today got canceled thou... but not a word.

i'm sure everything is fine and i'm just being worried for nothing.. but still. i'm worried and its a feeling i dont like, not one bit.

"I had a long night and a rare day off. I didn't set my alarm clock and happened to sleep late."

Good girl vs Bad girl points..

Mr Evil has given me more freedom and more power over my own sexuality. Cant say i remember why we had the conversation in the first place but, one day we talked about my orgasms. Like a lot of subs out there i need to ask permission. Something which makes me not do it a lot unless we play or talk etc. Mostly cause its a bit frustrating getting worked up and not have Him answer my text cause of work or something.

So, Mr Evil has designed a good girl/bad girl point system allowing me more freedom with for example using point to have a orgasm without asking first. Of course there are some rules to this system.

To earn good girl points i can for example:
- post three blogspost in a week = 1 point.
- gain a blog follower = 2 points
- post getting comments = 2 points
- not gain a bad girl points = 1 point/week up to max of 3 points/week
etc.. 

i can also use the good girl point for:
3 points to orgasm without asking
2 points to "delete" a bad girl point

The number of earned (sounds so serious) bad girl points will decide what kind of punishment i will get.
Mr Evil feels that sometimes there are things that i do wrong, thats not a good thing.. but still not bad enough to really punish me for.. so now i guess He can wait and punish me until i collected "enough" bad girl points.

A bit confusing isn't it? Feel the same but i'm sure we'll get the hang of it soon enough.
And.. of course Mr Evil can give me both good point and bad points for small or big things i do.

His greedy little slut.

This girl isn't even allowed to keep pleasure to herself. Geez, Greedy Mr Evil... 

To be fair.. i had this one coming. Another selection of sextoys ended up in my mailbox a while back and i was allowed to make the choice myself without Him really saying much of anything about it. i picked two things and one of them got sent my way. This time it was a bondage kit in bright pink. A set of rope cuffs with a blindfold and gag included. Already own a blindfold and gag but cant have too many right. 

So.. it all started with me being his greedy little slut asking if i was allowed to play before bed. He thought about it for awhile and then said i could.... but only if i included my new toys. 

Of course He had an idea about how his little girl should put these to the test.. 

Sometimes i should just keep my mouth shut and stop giving Him ideas. 

He starts off carefully and tells me i have to put one cuff around my left ankle, the other around my right and then put both ends of those around my left wrist.  I was then told to put the same arm behind my head, which forced my tied ankles in the air. Sounds simple enough right? i have to admit i did sigh a little.. and got told off for it too i might add but i still had a smile on my face and agreed to those terms.. then comes the hard part. He tells me i have to do it gagged and blindfolded too.. Once again i agree and just as i'm about to end the call He goes "Oh.. and babygirl, nippleclamps on and plugged too". What now?! and here i thought i was going to get away easy for once. i should so know better. 

I could hear the huge grin on His face as he quickly ends the call, not giving much room for complaints.

He did manage to squeeze in a request for a picture before hanging up the phone. Leaving His girl to do as she's told... In the end i'm glad i was made to wear the gag.. and so glad the guy next door wasn't home. 

The cuffs sure leaves a lot of possibilities and i like the softness in something so evil, but have to say i like the gag more then the cuffs. Its way more comfy then the one i already own, even if i prefer black over pink. 

Just hope Mr Evil is around for His proper Thank you soon...

Maslow's hierarchy of needs

My summer holiday is coming up (actually celebrating midsummer in Sweden today, Yay for national holidays) and things at work are slowing down some, at last. When your mind isn't filled with work and other stressful things it gives you (in this case me) time to think about things differently.

The latest subject on my mind has been needs. i came across Maslow's hierarchy of needs again the other day and it got me thinking. (If you have no idea what on earth i'm on about.. look here ).

To me it seems alot of people have flipped the pyramid. Putting more focus on self- actualization then basic needs. At one point i did too, but i learned my lesson and life doesn't work too well that way. Its easy to tip the pyramid over if you take care of the "top" needs first.  So how does this connect to D/s.. well when a Dom goes in and starts "controlling" their subs life.. What part do they go for first? Like everything else that depends on the Dom i'm sure.. but wouldn't it be more effective to go for the basics first? Sleep for example.. or Sex?

Where does your biggest needs fit in? What need is the most important after the basic ones?

My needs change over time.. but right now, right this minute i'd do anything for hug or ten.

Blame

Mr Evil starts to wind me up over text, i follow His moves and one thing leads to the other, pictures are being sent and all of a sudden i get blamed for Him being late for work. How is that fair?

Sex store

In a small town as mine, finding a store that sell fun toys isn't the easiest thing in the world. A while back i was on holiday and of course just "happened" to walk past the largest toy store they had. It was massive! They had it all, and then some. Found some really awesome whips and paddles i wouldn't mind picking up if i was allowed. This also included one with spikes. My friend smacked me on the hand with it and... ouch! Hand hurt for hours after. When i told Mr Evil He laughed and said it probably wouldn't hurt that much if it was landing on my arse. Somehow i'm not as sure. A little harder and it would be bleeding.

Internet is awesome for shopping but having the chance to touch, squeeze and try things can make a huge difference. Would never ever have thought that paddle would cause that pain, but it did. Lets hope the next store i shop from online has good deals for refunds (i'm so shopping addicted).

His little science project

What started out as a sex toy ended up as His own little science project.
Pretty sure it was triggered by my reaction for this thing, to be perfectly honest as much as i was excited, i was scared and He could feel it. He could hear it in my voice. There is no way i could ever hide emotions from Him, He reads me like a open book even during the times when i don't want Him too.

So He had this theory that He wanted to try and before i knew it, i'm leaning against the wall my body sinking toward the floor (wonder why He likes this so much). My legs spread apart and as i get closer to the floor my thighs are a bit.. uncomfortable. Thats where He wanted to go with this. He made me rub my inner thigh, squeeze it even before digging the wheel into my skin and rolling it from my knee up to the edge of my panties. It hurt! It really hurt. To be honest with you all, i didn't expect it too, rolling it on my arm just as hard didn't.
What does He say? i could hear the smile on His face "Just as I thought" Thats all. Master loves to torture me!

He made me do it again on the other thigh too. Gah.. pain! He just laughed and made me change positions. This time putting more weight on my feet making my legs and arse tense. He made me roll it over my arse and omg.. it hurt even more. Still so surprised by the fact that it did. Some of what happened last night when He played with me is a bit of a cloud but He did at some point make me roll it over the same spot twice, letting it really, really dig in the second time. i was about to die. Scary thought of having Him do this to me Himself with me tied up and blindfolded. Scary!

As much i do hate to admit it, the whole thing did make me wet. His project was over and He went on like nothing had happened. i was so damn frustrated. It took me some time but couldn't help myself.. i just had to.. ask Him if His little girl would be allowed a orgasm.

For some reason He looked up a picture of this new little toy and sounded so happy when He saw the handle had a round tip. He said yes and told me to go play with the toy in my *bip* and send Him a picture while He ordered some food. Blushing, shivering, of course His little girl did as she was told.
Happy to be allowed her orgasm when He came back.

He made me give it a kiss when it was all over, saying how little girls should learn to respect the things that give them pain and pleasure. He made me sleep with it in my bed too but thats another story....

Thanks Eden fantasys for my new BDSM toy

Story of O

It's late on a Friday night. 

The rain outside her bedroom window is coming down hard.

She's always found the rain peaceful.

The sound relaxes her and the thought of everything old, 

dirty and unpure being washed away calms her.

She lays in bed with her book, 

the story of someone like her, a slave.

The story of O. 

The story making her somewhat excited and somewhat frustrated. 

How can O agree to being treated like this. 

Used by strangers any way they wish and O's 

Master using the trust she has in his love to take advantage of her. 

It's not consensual, there are no safewords. 

There isn't even the option of speaking.

O agrees to it all, agrees to everything in fear that her lover 

won't love her anymore.  While the pages of the book are being turned, 

she can't help but think of her own place in the world. 

How much she urges for that spot next to Masters feet, 

and just how much His love mean to her.

Has her Master ever used the love she hold for Him to get His way? 

Thoughts rushing through her head, before she finally puts the book down, 

turns off the light and falls asleep thinking about her Master. 

Dont know where to start.

This girl doesn't know where to start.

She knows how important it is for her to remember her place but, 

sometimes emotions take over and it's hard to see through them. 

Her place is at Masters feet. 

As Your slave for You to do with as You see fit 

and hopefully with both Your (and her best) at heart. 

This slave might not always understand it all but

she knows there is a purpose for it, even if it's for Masters pleasure alone. 

She's sorry for forgetting her place sometimes, at times like today. 

She is where she is cause it's a place she wants to be, 

a place You let her be and she should treat it as the gift it is. 

Specially on days when You treats Her like a princess. 

It's a reward for being the good girl You want her to be. 

To forget her place during moments like that is nothing but disrespectful. 
 

This girl is sorry for disrespecting You. Didn't mean too. 

Rice punishment

Don't know if you remember but i was up for a rice punishment awhile back. For different reasons it turned into another punishment and the rice never happened.

Well.. cant say that anymore. Kinda did a small fuck up on the health/picture assignment. When it happened He said that the morning after i had to text Him to say what i was eating for breakfast and He would then decide if the rice punishment would happen or not.

That morning it didn't but it did the morning after that (yesterday).

Hate punishments, not always the punishment itself but cause it makes me feel like the worst submissive in the world. Don't like the feeling of knowing i let Him down. He wasn't even angry (or if He was He didn't show it) but i just get so angry with myself for giving Him a reason to punish me. Rice is one of those punishments i just hate so much. It hurts, and it doesn't just hurt then and there but the whole day after as well.

Luckily for me, the rice punishment this time only lasted 10-15min. i had to kneel on rice while talking to Him and while eating breakfast. it hurt so much.. i tried so hard to control my emotions and while it was happening too. i wasn't allowed to get off until breakfast was finished and not allowed to stress eating it either.

The marks on my knees when it was all over, were.. interesting and damn it hurt!!!! i was so close to breaking into tears, but Master calling me His good little girl, telling me how loved i am made it all better.

i always get so amazed over how punishments make me feel, even small ones like this one.. specially when i haven't been punished in awhile. Tend to do my best to stay away from them and not one to do something stupid just to get punished.

Does subs always punish themselves harder then their Dom ? i know i do.

Who are you?

i have always been a very nosy person, curious as hell about everything and nothing.
Maybe thats why i find statistics about who's reading my blog so interesting.

Want to be curious with me?
This week my blog has so far had readers from (top to bottom)
USA
Canada
Germany
UK
Spain
France
Italy
Hong Kong
Greece
Sweden
Norway
The Czech Republic

and now here comes the interesting thing.
74% of those use Windows
13% Mac
7% Ipad
2% Linux
and 1% use Iphone.

Now the question is. Which one is you?

Sextoys

Its been a very long (and busy weekend) and even if its been alot of fun, i'm glad its finally over.
My weekend had a nice ending thou as i opened my e-mail and found a new message from an unknown person.
It was a mail from a online adult store asking if maybe i would like to review their toys on my blog, in exchange for free toys every now and then. i had the email forwarded to Mr Evil to see what He thought.
He thinks its a good idea, so this morning i just had to email back. Going to be interesting to see what happens next.

How to pull hair..

Just had to share this video Mr Evil showed me today, i think its funny. Hope you do to.

Meal plan

Sometimes i should be careful what i ask for.

Asked Mr Evil for help with a health issue where i'm currently showing bad character. i just don't want to listen to myself sometimes but if it comes from Him, its a huge difference. i got a lot more then i asked for thou.... and now have a picture assignment twice a day so He can keep an eye on me.

i accidentally got Him upset with me as well.. cant say i know what i did, but it blew over before it turned into a big deal (or so i think, since He hasn't said anything else).

Secretary

SPOILER ALERT!!  

Haven't seen it? Then watch it and don't ready my post, unless you want the juicy details before watching it.

Why does it feel like i'm the last one to see this movie?
People are on about how awesome it is and how its shows the kind of D/s relationship that they are looking for. When i've heard the same thing enough times its bound to get me interested sooner or later, in this case.. Later. Don't know why it got me interested this time and not the 100 times before but i just had to see what on earth everyone seems to be on about.

i wouldn't call it the best movie ever, not even that awesome... except for the D/s parts. Some scenes made me blush not cause it was naughty or anything but more cause it could have been me rushing up to His (as in my Daddy) house wanting to express my need for pain but ends up saying something else.
My favorite scene is when she is having sex with her boyfriend, actually just making out. Which then leads to sex, she does her best to get him to spank her but fails. After he's done having sex with her, he goes  "I didn't hurt you did I?". The disappointment in her face is just.. awesome.That right there is why i can never ever have a pure vanilla relationship ever again.

Not hard to see why people love this movie.
From a subs point of view, i can feel her frustration and the emotions when he stops playing with her. The moments when she is trying so hard to impress but fails, when she does things she isn't allowed to do in attempt to get his attention or when she tries to prove her love to him. Nice to know good girls get rewarded.

Its not hard to relate to things in that movie..
Still haven't seen it? Then you should, if nothing else just to know what on earth people are on about.
Have you seen it? Leave a comment with your opinion, please?

Favourite D/s song

You have one of those favourite songs with a D/s meaning don't you?
i do.. and my latest favourite is a fresh one, allthou i like the remix better then the original. Below is just the audio of the remix but if you haven't seen the original video, google it. Its cool.

Empty

Not really in the mood to be posting at the moment, and not really a lot to be posting about. Mr Evil is on.. well evil hours at work and i just miss Him so much right now.

What title when?

Something crossed my mind when i was playing with Mr Evil today.
Didn't really pay attention to it happening but He did.
What started out as a playful request (from me) turned into Him telling me off (thats how i took it even if it might not have been His meaning with it) and torturing me. That then lead to me being forced to play with myself and asking permission to cum (as always). During that whole thing, without really paying attention to it myself i switched the name for Him. As some of you following noticed the Daddy thing has taken a bigger role in our relationship and it is what i normally call Him now. Today during "playtime" i switched from Daddy back to Master when He started being evil.


"Mr Evil laughs 'and with that order, the playful calling me Daddy went out the window'."

Why is that? Been thinking about it ever since He called me on it. Can't stop thinking about it.

Question - Story or no?

A while back Mr Evil and i had a intense playtime that stretched over a few days. It was more the case of teasing the shit out of me and then not letting me cum then anything else really but it put some very interesting ideas in my head. The whole thing inspired me and as some of you might remember last week when i was cuffed, i made a promise to write a story, THAT story.

So..

i took all the juicy things from the teasing He did and wrote Him a story. i think its smoking hot and cant help but notice that He seems happy as well. He even said it might be the best story i have ever written. The only question now is. Do i beg Him to let me publish it or no? What you think?

Stressful!

This week has passed by so damn fast i don't know what happened. i usually handle stress pretty well but this week i haven't had any time to myself and been home late every single night. i've gotten time with Master but not as much as i would have liked too, not even on His birthday that was this week. Don't know why but i'm kinda disappointed with myself for some reason and its starting to rub off on my general mood. Not good, hope the weekend has better things to look forward to.

Cuffed..

Should have known something was up...
Mr Evil was nice enough to let me have two orgasms before work the other day. God it was so damn nice, my body was trembling forever afterwards. Hadn't had one in a while so it was extra hot.

Like the greedy little slut i am after my first one, i asked if i could have one more. He made me take out the handcuffs from the toybox. He said that i had to wear them until it was time to walk out the door to work. At that point i had been in the shower but nothing else. If after knowing this thought i still had time to have another one, i was allowed to. Simply couldn't turn down another one.. i played with myself while he was walking around the house doing whatever, not really paying too much attention to His moaning girl. i said "Thank You"  left to get ready. He made me promise i'd call back as i was about to walk out the door. See, i knew this was too damn easy.

i called.. He then tells me i wasn't allowed to take them off until i was out the door of my apartment. What if someone saw me?! Scary thought but i did as told before putting them in my bag. And there they have stayed all day.. even through dinner with my mother. So glad i didn't make her watch it while i went to the little girls room.

Oh and to the story comes that He was only being that nice to me cause i promised i would start another erotic story tonight before bed.

No restrictions

This morning before work i was on the phone with Master. We started talking about the blog and blogs i read.
i asked Him if He had read the posts i sent Him to get approved a few days ago. He said He had been busy so no.

Thats when it happened "If you think its a okey post that I'd approve, post it".  He let go of the rule that all blogposts must be approved before posting. Didn't know what to say.. Kinda got used to having to run them by Him, and as He said it this morning it kinda freaked me out.

When i started the blog i was sorta upset that i did indeed have to run them by Him before posting. Now that i'm used to it i'm not sure i want to stop. Specially not since He reminded me of what my next punishment will be if or more like when i fuck up next. Last time i did something i shouldnt have, he was going to give me the kneeling on rice punishment, He never did and ended up giving me something else instead. Since then He has always said that my next punishment will be just that. Kneeling on rice.. i hate it and He knows it.

Now i'm scared. So i played it safe. Had a blogpost written that He had read and approved but asked me to check spelling etc on. Changed it as much as i could and posted it. Question is..going to last or not?

Lack of torture?

There are times when things just fly by, there is no time for anything and no time for you and your partner.
Do you miss it? Do you get cranky without it?

Cant remember to be honest but i think maybe i've had this subject up for discussion before. It just became oh so clear the other day thou. Mr Evil and i talk, text, email etc usually at least once in a day. The other day we had a conversation that ended up on the more kinky side. Giving me something to think about all day, the conversation was picked up again in the evening and even continued the next morning. He had been teasing both playfully and sexually for almost two days when it was just impossible to control. He knows where to push, what to say and when. He really does read me so well.. and getting me to blush, by having to admit that i am indeed that kinky girl we had talked about didn't make it any better..

Thats when it hit me (maybe all over again) that i need Him to be this Evil person, to call me those names, to make me frustrated, to make me feel controlled, needed etc. That i wouldn't be who i am without it and for me to be happy, i need Him to do these things to me. Cant remember His exact words but around those days He made a comment on how i glow when He tortures me. Scary thing is, He's right. i need it, i crave it.
i am His little slut and without His torture i get cranky, or even worse turn into this bitchy subbie who pushes limits and rules just to get a reaction and thats not a person i want to be.

i want to make My Daddy happy in everything i do, and i want Him to be proud of His little girl.

So that leaves me with a question. Is there anything you crave so bad that you get truly cranky without it?

Daddy's babygirl

Been thinking about writing a post on the topic for awhile but since everyone else (ok not everyone but alot of bloggers) are doing it i thought maybe it was time.

Pretty sure most of you have seen the subject fry by in a post  of mine here and there. It's been one of those things that came up in conversations with Mr Evil more then once. He made me pull that side of myself out for Him from time to time. There was a time when it was almost impossible and i only did it to please Him (this is years ago). As always things change, He makes me change, sometimes without me even realizing. Calling my Dom Daddy softens Him, and it would be a lie if i said i had never taken advantage of that fact. To say i've used it to get my way isn't true thou. Never been able to use it like that without getting caught. Not saying i haven't tried it, cause i have but as always He can see right through me.

Don't really know how it happened. Slowly been sinking into the whole Daddy's little girl thing. Its one of those things i sink into when He calls me little one, little girl, babygirl etc. He can get me in that mood in no time and i still have no idea how (again, cant believe He made me enjoy something i was so against at one point). Not hard to tell that He likes it and of course i want to keep Him smiling.

When the whole anal thing played a few weeks ago i promised i would be His little good girl all week in exchange for a orgasm. Maybe cause i knew He wouldn't say no then? Either way, last week put me right in the little girl mood. Just the simple little things like greeting Him in the morning with "Morning Daddy" and getting a "morning babygirl" back  He gave me small harmless tasks during the whole week too that just made the Daddy thing even more intense. Little things that to some might not matter but it got me to where He wanted me (or so i think). Cause thats how it is right? Evil Dom's always plan everything in advance and always have a goal with everything they say, do (and tell you to do)?.

The week is long gone, i'm no longer required to do the Daddy thing.. but it sticks. Maybe cause i like it. i know He enjoys it and a week is all it took for it to be a habit. Don't really know but feels weird to call Him Master now. Daddy comes more natural. He looks after me, takes care of me, keeps me safe and most importantly makes me feel like the most loved person in the world. We just have a weird way of showing it sometimes giggles.

So to the people out there that are totally against it. Open your mind and give it a try, you might be surprised. And just cause people does the Daddy thing doesn't mean they take it further then that. Some do, some don't. But we are all adults (i hope) so what people do is their choice (unless its illegal).

Embrace your kink people!

Thank you

This blog has been around for just over 3 months (started it jan 4th) and have since had 2064 views.
Thank you all for reading, for commenting, for caring and for following my adventure.
Thank you for opening my eyes, teaching me things and making me smile.

Didn't expect my mini part of the world to get this amount of attention. Surprised me actually, but i'm grateful for having a space to show my kinky side, getting things off my chest and for being heard.

Simply said, Thank you!

Questions

Not to sure there are people out there with any. But if there is, feel free to ask questions, will do my best to answer them.

Quoting Myself

Are you sure that's not what you said? Because that's what I remember, and in the end isn't that what's important?

Anal Play part 2

There was a part two to the anal play just as i thought.
The toys arrived in the mail Wednesday and as soon as i had picked them up i sent a message to Mr Evil letting Him know. Figured it would take a few days before there was room in every day life for playing so wasnt too stressed. A little scared to even open the box thou. However.i did open the big box but not the individual ones until He told me too. He made me try the gag before bed that day and send Him a picture. Strange, exciting and odd? feeling. (So hard to express feelings and emotions.)

Yesterday i talked to Him before work, of course the gag picture from the night before came up as well as the toys. Tried to hold my feelings about all of this back (99% of the time its just me being playful) but as always He can look right through it, so no point in trying i guess. Don't really know what happened but the conversation lead on a certain mood and ended with me asking permission to touch myself. He said no, saying we had a deal (and we did). He then changed His mind saying i had been a good little girl all week and i could. Should have seen it coming but when i asked permission to cum He said no. Touching but not being allowed to cum. Evil is all i have to say about that. i was cranky but passed after  2min. After all, it is His choice, not mine and i did (and still do, happily) willingly hand over control to Him.

Was slowly getting ready to jump in bed after a long night getting yelled at (No, He wasn't the one yelling, been a good little girl this week remember) when He calls and give me a list of things to place on the bed.
There it was... the new anal toy. Knew so well what was coming next.
After some playing with nipple clamps and vibrator it was time. So scared, long deep breathes and yet so excited. Wish He could have been here.

Guessing most of you want details, wanting the full story and all but right now my mind is blank. Its not like i don't know what happened last night cause i do. But being able to tell you just how it happened isn't possible.
i can tell you how it started, how it ended and what happened in the middle but not how and i don't remember His words in detail.

So with that said.. i ended up with nipple clamps on (which fell off at some point), vibrator in my pussy, buttplug in my arse and one hell of a orgasm. Daddy's words pushing me to perfection,  encouraging me, telling me what i good girl i am for Him and how proud He is of me. How can things go wrong when He tells you He's proud? Not possible, even now just thinking about it all sends shivers down my spine. 

Still can't believe i did that, and once again He was right. i did enjoy it, just like He said i would.. but there are uhm a few steps between playing with the toy.. and playing with Him the same way.Don't read too much into this but i'm glad the first time is over with.

The submissive type Test

Was jumping around on random blogs found by someones blogroll that jumped me to someone elses which lead me to another one. You get the idea... and i found the The submissive type Test (again). i've done it before but cant remember when, but just had to do it again.


Results? Coming here:

Slave

You scored 30% Humiliation, 70% Submissiveness, 75% Service, and 54% Pain!

You're the slave, you scored high in both submissiveness and service, you probably want to be owned by someone, you feel the need to relinquish your power over to someone else and to service him. You are the ideal partner for 24/7 Owner/slave relationships, whether you like or deslike pain is a matter of taste, hence with humiliation, but I would bet that the chances are you enjoy them sometimes but the most important thing is whether your Dom will enjoy doing those thigns to you.
Good luck in finding your best relationship :)

Anal play part 1

Know what you're thinking.. time for a juicy story. Sorry to say but no, no juicy story coming.. not yet anyway. just had a need to express some things and since i know already there is going to be a part two i might as well prepare for that, right?


So, anal play.. no secret that its something alot of people are into, and enjoy. But so far i havent been one of them. When i started explosing the D/s side of me it was a hard limit but as we all know those are subject to change and so has mine. It moved from a hard, to a soft and now even if it still scares me some it excites me at the same time. However, yes i'm still an anal virgin (feels like i'm the last one in the world allthou i know i'm not). Some days ago i was surfing around on a adult toystore online and was sharing the funny, weird and interesting things with Mr Evil. It was a fun conversation and the subject of anal come up, once again (it has a million times). He thinks i'm going to enjoy it and we started talking about anal toys. However the conversation ended (why i cant remember) and we moved on to other things. 


Last night i was once again surfing on that very same website, wanting to get something new.. of course i asked Mr Evil if there was something on there that He thought i should get. Not sure i should have laughs but the list soon came with His ideas. So, even if it wasnt a direct order from His side its now ordered. Set of handcuffs, gag (He gave me a choice of this or sending me to the hardware store to make my own) and.. yes of course, a anal toy. 


i'm nervous, excited, scared... all at once. Mr Evil even made a comment about how i'm not allowed to cum until it arrived in the mail either. MEAN! (He's called Mr Evil for a reason thou right?). Not totally sure on how  serious that was but, not a good idea to ask.. Not right now, dont want to give Him ideas. i was however alloweed to cum last night before bed and OMG it was painful.. and so nice all at once. Had to bite my lip hard not to wake the whole building. And, i did promise to be Daddy's good girl ALL week cause of it. Sinking deeper into that side of our relationship by the minute..


So, there you have it.. part one. my guess is part two will arrive soon after my toy has. Strict orders about not being allowed to play with it without Him being around thou.

Dirty thoughts

As always my mind is spinning with a million thoughts, ideas and fantasies. The latest thing floating around in my head is naughty. Not so much naughty itself but more how to bring ideas or fantasies to your Dom/me that you are embarrased to have. Not sure any of this is making sense but picture this.

You have this idea (or fantasy) thats been playing in your head for awhile and just the fact that its in your mind makes you blush. The thought of admitting to this makes you nauseas and wanting to crawl out of your own skin.What do you do?

Thats whats been playing in my head for awhile, not saying i have any of those "dark" thoughts at the moment but i'm sure i will at some point and it just crossed my mind that i have no idea how to carry myself in a situation like this. Sure, you should and probebly will end up telling your Dom/me but if they arent in to the same thing and it never gets brought up.... Do you tell them? or maybe wait for it to be pulled out of you? if its not a need or desire would not sharing really matter?

i should so not be allowed to think at time laughs so many things play in my mind.. and yes, for the record i'm usually not to keen on exposing my sluttyness to the rest of the world and there for not really one to admit to my more.. kinky sides.

Question - What to do when you know you'll fail

Have you ever been given a task knowing right away that its impossible for you to finish to your Dom/me's standards?

Might not be at all what you think.. but.. today i was given the task of making sure Mr Evil doesn't fall asleep. No one out there knows how hard that is when He's tired (its IMPOSSIBLE). There is no way in hell i can do anything else but fail at this task. i did my best for 3 hours before i had to leave and leave Him to His own destiny. Still dont know if He actually managed to stay awake after i left or not but i sure hope so.

Which brings me to my question. Have you ever been given a task knowing you wont be able to finish it?
If Yes, please share what it was.. please?

Random thoughts

Today is one of those days when i crave the submissive part of me. Dont get me wrong, i do all the time but today i have this need or maybe its a want. Hard to tell the difference right now.. Anyway, i just wish Master was here.

Masters Bitch just wants to kneel at His feet, curl around them, brush her cheek against His leg and hopefully feel His hand in her hair, looking up to meet His smile as the evening just passes on. Nothing would have to be said, just a random moment infront of the tv.

When those cravings for Master fill me its isnt the sexual moments i need or think about. Its the little things.
Waking up in the middle of the night by Him coming home.
Curling up at His feet
Being allowed on the sofa, with my head in His lap.
Daddy tucking his babygirl in for bed, kissing her goodnight.


Maybe its one of those emotional evenings after all..

Orgasm control

Its 6.30am on a normal day. The snow is sparkling in the sunlight outside the window,
you can hear your neighbor singing in the shower and you are twisting and turning in bed not
wanting to get up. And there it is.. that sudden urge to touch yourself. But WAIT, that's right.
You can't, you arent allowed to.

Anyone been there?

The thing with orgasm control has always been.. interesting but more lately then before.
Mr Evil has full control over mine, i'm not allowed to touch myself or cum without permission.
One part of me thinks its insane and so wrong to hand over control over something so
personal. The other part of me, love it! Love that someone can have that level of control
and that i'm comfortable and trusting enough to hand it over. Would never ever hand that
level of control over if you didnt trust a person 150% right? It is a very personal thing.
Not even being able to make yourself cum under your own blanket in bed.
Doing something normally not known. But He knows.. He knows His little toy doesnt play
without permission and at the same time, never without His knowledge.

Its odd but in a way it makes me feel loved. His firm grip over a very personal
part of my life, makes me feel so loved.

Anyone out there know what i mean or have i totally lost my mind? laughs.

Punished and Rewarded

Its been a while since i was here last. Mostly cause of RL things getting in the way, such as no internet connection. Sorry pervs out there but dont think my boss would be too happy if she found my internet history packed with kinky, pervy, fetish blogs.

While being off radar for awhile i managed to do things i shouldnt and neglected to show Master the level of attention and respect He deserves. Dont know how many punishments He is actually going to give me but i know of at least two. As much as i enjoy pain there are good kinds of pain and there are bad. Kneeling on rice is a very bad kind of pain, and something Master has done to me a few times. Its one of those things i fear so much that i beg him, really beg him not to do it. i know that punishment is going to come thou and the other day He made me swing by the store and get some. He even made me bring it along to work so that every time i'd open my bag there it was. Just writing about it sends shivers down my spine. The kneeling on it might be yet to come.

This morning before work i got my first (and hopefully last) punishment. Master called me while i was still in bed and made me get up and find a marker. Not the easiest task in the world at the moment but i did find one, a green one. Shivers He then made me write "Bitch will obey Master" all over my body. 100 times to be exact, sending Him pictures of different body parts as it went on. Felt like it would never end. Not the easies thing in the world to find room for 100 sentences like that when you cant write with both hands (right handed). Lost count a few times along the way and ran out of ink in the pen (found a new one) but i did it. The redness of my cheeks wasnt hard to miss and hate to admit it but the wetness of something else wasnt either. Master called me His good little girl and all was good.. or so i thought. BIG Mistake!!!!!

With nipple clamps on He made me press my back against the wall and sink down on my toy that was trapped between my body and the floor. He took total control over my body and orgasm as He started counting down... and just before it got to 0, He stopped. Not having been allowed to cum in days! (only the occational tounching here and there) i was frustrated beyond words. He made me beg, made me beg for the toy.. made me beg for Him to continue counting, made me beg to be allowed to cum. Something not at all hard at this point. God i wanted to cum soooo bad. Must have done something good as He did give permission and finished counting, giving me permission to cum. Dont think i have ever been so thankful.. ever!

My nipples hurt, my pussy and legs did as well. He made me take the clamps off and gave me permission to sink to the floor. From there its a little bit of a cloud.. We talked, laughed and i could tell He was happy smiles Love the sound of Master smiling (Hard to explain how i know but i can hear it in tone of voice and how he says things). At some point i was allowed to jump back in bed. i made sure Master knew just how thankful His little bitch was and judged by the sounds coming from Him, He knew.

Almost ashamed to say but asked Master if i could be greedy and with the clamps back on again, He gave me permission to cum both a second time and a third before i had to jump in the shower and head for work. The words on my body as a reminder of who i belong too and what my motto in life should be.

i was a happy submissive who knew her place when walking to work today.

Mixed signals

Lately i've been missing Master a lot more then normal. He keeps asking me if something is wrong, if something out of the ordinary has happened and it hasn't. His little slut has just missed Him more then normal. Its so bad that i see D/s related stuff in everything. Like a episode of "Shit my dad says" i saw a while ago.

Bonnie rings a bell for dinner.
Vince comes rushing in through the door - I heard the bell, everything ok?
Bonnie - I thought it was the dinner bell!
Vince - No hunny, thats a punishment bell, it means come get your spanking.
Bonnie - And you rushed in for that?
Vince - Time with Dad is.. time with Dad.

i do hope you guys can see what i mean by this.. or am i just that twisted?

Master babysitter?

Had a random conversation with Mr Evil today on skype and all of a sudden He asks "Did I ever tell you about the adult babysitter job I almost took?".

i just, uhm, no He didn't. Had to know more so nosy me asked. Turns out He found this ad or something (Don't know really and not sure i want to know) and it turns out: "this couple, a mommy mistress and a sissy male baby were looking for a baby sitter". Apparently she wanted to go out some nights and didn't want to leave her baby alone. it paid like 20$ an hour and very strict on not being sexual.

What on earth do you say to that? i was.. well.. stunned and to be honest i laughed. Just the image of my Master being someone's babysitter, kinky babysitter at that is just too strange but it brought on a much needed laugh.

i'm sorry if anyone reading this is into all that but.. it was funny. Please don't be offended people. To each their own.

Question - What do you call your Dom/me or submissive?

Its pretty interesting jumping around on the D/s blogs out there, reading about their lifes, Dom/mes and submissives and its just as interesting reading about what all of you call your partner in kink.

When i started this blog i asked Mr Evil if He had requirements for what i call Him (and not call Him for that matter) on here but He could never give me a straight answer. So I started calling Him Mr Evil. Mostly cause i think He is evil most times. i pretend i hate Him for it, but really i don't, i have this love hate relationship with the mean side of Him. Truth be told, life would be boring without it.

Anyway.. so my question is this. What do you call your Dom/me and/or submissive? Feel free to add reasons for it as well as the names you'd never say to their face laughs.

Daddy's little girl

Its pretty strange how "normal" none D/s things in your life can change the more kinky side of you.

Been away from the blog world a few days again, but this time cause of being sick. Sounds like a pretty normal none D/s thing doesn't it? Thing is.. normally i call my Dom, Master or on the blog Mr Evil. On very rare occasions Daddy. Now that i've been sick and been feeling rather miserable calling Him Daddy has been so much easier and has almost been a need of mine. Maybe its because i've been feeling like that helpless little girl who just wants someone to take care of her and look after her. Either way, i'm rather amazed.

Needs and wants

Was writing a new post last night before bed, never sent it to Mr Evil for approval thou as i realized the subject in it wasn't really for your eyes, it was for His. Putting it into words was hard, much harder then i thought it would be but making us talk about it was even harder. Never know what to say and this language thing is seriously a problem at times when i can't find the words i'm looking for. i know now what people mean when they say their blog has helped their relationship. i needed to write that post to come to terms with myself, to figure out what i need. Our relationship isn't always about what i want, but a need is something different, isn't it?
Feels like i'm being this demanding little girl desperately seeking attention from her Daddy.

Just a thought

All my posts has to be approved by Master before being published... but cant help but wonder what exactly He'd allow in my post and what would get deleted. Maybe i could ask for a list or something?

Sometimes

How can life be such a rollercoaster?

One minute its filled with smiles, kind words and the best time in the world. Suddenly its the opposite. At times things happen so fast i don't even know what went wrong. One hell of a learning curve thats for sure, just hope to figure things out.

Question ...Do you shave, down there?

These question posts are starting to become a small habit of mine. Maybe i should do a weekly thing with them? (they are fyi the posts that gets the most views too, got to mean something right)

Anyway.. So i have been away from the blog community for almost two days and had a lot of reading to catch up on when i got home from work this afternoon. One made me laugh so hard i was almost in tear. Its was the post on the "Jumping on it" blog about the meeting with the Dom and how shaving can go so wrong laughs. If you haven't read it, go on.. read it. You know you want too.

So that leads me to todays question/s.
Do you shave, down there? and do you prefer your partner to be?

This was actually a subject to come up with my female friends awhile ago and it seems every female i know under the age of 40 does shave. Some shave all of it and some just trim. So are my friends normal? And what about the guys. kinda interested in knowing now. So.. if you don't mind sharing. Please do.

Good girl

Two words that send shivers down my spine. It makes me smile even if i one second earlier was crying.
It has such a huge impact on my mood but also on my behavior. Makes me want to better myself to hear it again. The things i'd do to get a pat on the head and to hear those words from Mr Evil. Strange really isnt it?
Strange that two words can do that to a girl like me. i'm pretty sure i'm not the only one feeling this way but doesn't make it less strange.

Mr Evil asked me the other day if i think He's being too nice to me. He thinks He is, at times. But i had to point out that the only reason i think He feels like that is cause He hasn't had the opportunity to be really mean (cruel, evil) to me in awhile. He has a need to cause pain and i have a huge need to feel it. Haven't really thought about why but lack of pain for awhile just has me slightly depressed and i cant help but think He's the same way when it comes to causing it. While talking and thinking about all that i realized something, a very twisted thought as Master called it. What if He created my need for pain only so He could cause it? smiles. Now that's something to think about.

Have generally done a lot of thinking this weekend, the biggest challenge being to finish a task Mr Evil gave me before He went to bed yesterday. He told me i had to kneel in the shower after being done with the normal shower routine and come up with 3 things i'd like to change for Him. 3 things i'd like to improve and i wasn't allowed to leave the shower until i had. i then had to send Him a e-mail with the list, why they were on there and how we could work on these things together. No feedback on it yet (due to lack of time, i think) but it has me slightly worried... i guess i'll have to keep you updated.

Question... does blogging inprove your relationship?

Being new in the BDSM blog community (as a writer at least) i can't help but wonder if writing about your D/s relationship makes it better or worse.

There are a million blogs like mine out there and even thou they all focus on kinda the same things they are all very different. They all talk about their relationships or sometimes lack of them (in one way or another). Some subs (like me) need to have their posts approved by their Dom/me before posting and some doesn't but it gives the Dom/me insight to their subs way of thinking either way doesn't it?

i've read a few blogposts here and there that i've had the need to share with my Dom. Used it to start a conversation about something i feel we need to talk about, or just to get His thoughts on things. Very useful when someone puts my thoughts down in words (something i generally find hard, specially due to language difficulty). Even if it hasn't been long, i feel that me starting this blog was a smart move and i'm thankful Mr Evil thought so too, allowing me to start one. i'm pretty sure i'll be taking the blame for Him starting one sooner or later laughs but i'm glad He decided to start one too.

so the Question is, does your BDSM blog improve your relationship or no?

Original Story

E-mail from slave at work suggested posting the original story I rewrote (located on my blog) now so as to not confuse our readers. In summary she wrote this story for me and convinced me to rewrite it. Rewrite is here Will and Chaos. As a warning to all Dom/mes I'm telling you now. When your slave is a teacher it means you still get homework.

Its just past midnight and you are about to get off work. Since I had the need for the car today you let me borrow it if I came and picked you up when your shift ended.

As you get out of work you spot me in my black dress you like so much leaning back against the car playing with the keys in my hand. I smile towers you and walk to meet you. You slip a hand down over my back and whisper a soft "hello slut" in my ear. I start blushing knowing that the fact I did will only make people wonder even more about what it was you said. I kiss your cheek, handing you the keys giving you a proper hello. Eyes scanning the cars close by trying to make out if someone heard me. We jump in the car and head home. Not more then a few seconds after we leave the store you put your hand on my thigh giving it a rather painful squeeze. I soon pick up on the fact that you had a bad day as we make small talk. I bite my bottom lip wondering if the plan I had might backfire on me before I even started it. Your hand climb higher up on my thigh and makes its way under my dress only to find I'm not wearing underwear. The red color on my cheeks turn darker as I look away. I can hear you telling me to look at you and I struggle some to follow orders. The shivers roll down my spine as I finally look up at you,Terrified of what you'll say.

I can tell from the look in your eyes that you don't know what to say. Maybe you are pleased to see me without underwear not having told me or maybe you are wondering why. I open my mouth to say something but you put a finger against my lips to make me not. I gasp trying to look at you from the corner of my eye. You say nothing and pull over at a spot not visible from the road but still close enough to attract other passing cars in need of a break.

You get out of the car and comes round to my side, opening the door and pulls me out by my hair pushing me against the side of the car. I'm stuck between you and the car with no chance of getting anywhere. You slip your hand under my dress and without hesitation push two fingers into my already wet pussy, your teeth nibbling the side of my neck while whispering "and my dirty little slut is already wet" I can see the smirk on your face before I turn away. You take my hand and place it on your crotch while pulling the zipper down making me blush even more. You yank my hair to make me move with you to the front of the car, after making me face the car you make me lean over it. My dress up around my waist leaving my sex fully exposed to you. I can feel your hands on my arse squeezing roughly and your hard cock brush over it. Your soft lips against my skin as you bite my shoulder. I close my eyes to embarrassed to look, scared that someone will see us. I can hear the chuckle from you knowing you understand perfectly well why I'm scared. Your cock pushes into me hard making me scream and grab the sides of the car. You move in and out of my dripping wet sex a few times hard but slow before I can feel the tip of your cock push against my arse. I bite my lip hard mumbling a soft "Master please don't, please I'll do anything" but my begging doest help one bit and you slowly push your cock all the way into my tight arse with a loud moan. I try my best to control my emotions but tears start rolling down my face as you continue to fuck me. Your hand coming down on my arse hard as I feel you cum in me. I wipe the tears from my face not wanting you to see as you turn me over and kiss the spot on my shoulder you sunk your teeth into. You wipe your cock clean against my pussy before pulling your pants back up. You place a soft kiss on my cheek and tell me I have until we get home to cum, if I don't I'm not allowed to cum all week. We jump back into the car and drive home, with me fingering myself while you focus on the road.

When it alot, too much?

As i'm standing there at the gym all hot and sticky from the workout i have only one thought in my head.
Well actually i guess you could call it two. With only a few minutes to go before its all over, my body is just hurting so bad and i want to get it over with. All i can think about at that exact moment is "Don't give up, you can do this if not for you then for Master" and all of a sudden its just.. easier.

There has been a few situations like this lately where my focus goes to Master, even if He's not there to tell me what to do or how to behave. i guess when my own energy fails i can rely on His (even if He's not always aware of it), but is it wrong? Am i at times leaning too much on him for support  and guidance through times in life thats far from easy.. or is it in fact His job as my Master to do so?

At times when life isn't showing itself from the sunny side i guess the need is much bigger then normal. Not only the need for energy but for support, understanding and of course Love. Where would we be without it?

The thing is, that question brings my head to a totally different place. Can there be such a thing as a successful BDSM or D/s (depending on what you want to call it) relationship without love? is it possible to have that perfect, awesome, rewarding (and i guess sexual) relationship without some kind of love? not saying it has to be the traditional kind but one kind. Or maybe its time to put a stop to our beliefs in fairy tales.

With that said, i don't think there is a lack of love in my own relationship with Master. This was just one of those random thoughts that fly around in my head from time to time.

A upside down world isn't a good thing

For the first time since i started this blog (a week ago) my head is empty. The last few days have been.. a handful. The world has just been upside down. One of those weeks when everything that could go wrong does, including upsetting Mr Evil. Knowing that He's upset (angry, disappointed you get the idea) makes my world fall apart. Still surprises me every time how much that can and will effect my over all mood. Cant help but wonder, does He feel the same way if He upsets me?

This morning i'm grateful we moved past it. He accepted my somewhat creative apology and He's smiling again, which means so am i. Sadly, the rest of the things that has been going wrong this week there is nothing, nothing anyone can do anything about it.

Don't take this the wrong way, but i don't like not being in control of my life. Its kinda like when you see two cars about to crash into each other but there is nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Does any of this make sense? Kinda hoping you'll understand what i mean but my mind is all over the place right now.

Erotic e-mail to Mr Evil (1)

Ok, so since Mr Evil came with the idea to post some of the many erotic e-mails he got from me, the thought of publishing them hasn't left my mind. i cant stop thinking about it. A big part of me screams NO and the other thinks it would be rather interesting to see the comment on it all. The Internet will always be the Internet and guess i'm kinda scared someone will trash my private stories, or the way i do them, spell etc. If i do this maybe its one less fear to deal with after? Has to count for something right? A big part of me is hoping M will be proud of me for doing it too, for being brave enough to expose a private part of myself and our relationship.

*deep breath* Ok, here it comes. Maybe the first and the last. Or it could be the first of many. i always write them for Him as in You but since its going to be published here i did give it a little re write.

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She sits in front of her computer writing a e-mail to one of her female friends. One she hasn't talked to in a very long time when suddenly she feels a pair of hands on her shoulders. Small shivers roll down her spine while the smile on her lips slowly grows from big to huge.

She turns around and places a kiss on His stomach looking up at Him with a sparkle in her eye.
His girl stands up and places a kiss on His cheek whispering "i love You Master" before her kisses slowly moves down across His body, her hands resting on His hips as she pulls Him down on the chair.

She quickly kneels in front of Him as her hands brush up the inside of His thighs. A big smile on her face as her hand gently wrap around His cock at the exact same time as her lips do, smiling up at Him while loudly sucking Him. His eyes meet hers as she looks up at Him happily. His cock quickly grows between her lips as her body rubs against Him.

The smile on her lips soon turn into a grin as she asks with the sweetest voice ever "Master, please let this horny little slut feel Your cock in her pussy.. pleeease?" The wait for a answer is making her nervous as He just looks at her. He finally gives her a nod in reply with a silent "yes you may mine".

 He tells her to stand up and makes her twirl around. She bends forward slightly taking His cock in her hands gently pressing it to her pussy. Her whole body sinking back onto it. A loud moan mixed with a  whimper escapes from her lips. The smile on her face is hard to miss as He fucks her hard.....

How do you get attention?

When you want nothing else but some attention and the person you want it from doesn't seem to notice, What do you do?

If it was a friend, family member etc if would be easy to just pick up the phone and call them right. i know thats what i'd do. Tricky thing is, when this person is your Dom/me. How do you do it? i don't know about everyone else but poking for attention isn't really a good thing to do, well.. ok sometimes it is and it could even be considered cute but generally no. Phone call is either way out of the question, text message.. well could work but not if this subbie wants a answer. So whats left, e-mails. How on earth do you write a e-mail that doesn't scream "give me attention please?" and how do you write it without turning it into a request or demand.

Its hard, and i just realized a little ago just how hard it really is.
Anyone have ideas?

Question... do you swallow?

That is todays question. Do you swallow?
Do i really need to clarify what i mean by that.. well in case you are clueless (which i seriously doubt since you're here in the first place) i was talking about cum. 

(Cant believe i'm actually writing this post but i had a strange need to).

Just read the "Business as usual" post over at the A Neo Dom's journey blog and there was a comment about just this. Does the sub of the author take cum in her mouth or not. This has me thinking. Does most women (and men for that matter) swallow or at least willing to take in their mouth. blushes yes i know its a strange, odd, weird thing to be thinking about. i've always been under the impression that most females do. Maybe i was wrong?


This thought also bring me to another question. If you do swallow and you happen to be submissive. Do you do  it to please your Dom/me or cause you like it?

i guess Mr Evil is right, i am nosy.

Innocent bubble

Sometimes our conversations are just...

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M: do you know Emma Watson?

s: its the girl in Harry Potter so yes

M: it's amazing how many are obsessed with finding nip slips of her, and I found another shot of her wear clear panties

s: omg..
s: Thats just wrong.

M: you know there's an upskirt in one of the movies right?

s: havent noticed.

M: http://img.chan4chan.com/img/2009-02-21/1235229288961.jpg

s: omg!

M: see?
M: and she was way too young back then

s: yeah but the thing is, the fact that someone would notice.. it just.. wrong.

M: well it could of been a 13 year old boy who notived

s: yeah right.
s: no way in hell

M: what, a 13 year old boy cant be crushing on her?

s: I dont care, its still wrong
s:  lol

M: 11 year old boy sitting in the front row of a huge ass screen because the rest of the seats are taken. He's in the middle and looks up and sees a patch of white on grey and shouts 'I see panties!' is that wrong?
s: But how can you even notice if you're really paying attention to the movie? We are talking like a screen shot thats maybe 5seconds long.
M: because guys inherently look to the crotch when a skirt goes up a leg
M: and look at it this way.. the fim makers saw that scene over and over and over again, and not one noticed

s: or they did and left it on purpose!
s: OMG!

M grins
M: well yes, there is that conclusion I was hoping to steer you to

s: ewww!

M pops your innocence bubble

Not having you here to smack

So Stupid..

The other night, i messed up. M was angry, annoyed and i think frustrated. It was stupid, i was stupid. Such a silly thing to mess up on. To be honest, i don't get in trouble much but when i do it's usually over something bad, real bad. Even more reason for why yesterday was so.. blah. How could i be so stupid?

i hate getting punished. i guess you're suppose to right?
When my mind reaches the point where it understands and accepts i've done something wrong, i punish myself harder then He ever can. Even when its all over, and i'm forgiven. He's smiling again and everything is back to normal. Back to a place where it seems my mistake never even happened. I'm in tears, feeling like the worst person in the world for letting Him down. Sad and upset about the fact that I disappointed Him.

It doesn't make sense, He's ok and even forgave me. Why cant i forgive myself?

Something he said last night i cant shake from my mind "it is so frustrating not having you here to smack when I'm angry with you". He's right, it is frustrating and in a way i keep telling myself that punishment would be so much easier (ok that sounds wrong, better might be a more true word) if He could do just that, send me to my room for being a bad girl and cuddle me after. Sigh, sometimes things are just harder then what they need to be.

From M to me

Since we were talking about erotic e-mails etc. i found one from M to me, its only fair i publish one of His if i'm going to publish one of mine right? No worries, i did ask permission first and He did say it was ok. 


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Your fingertips dig into your skin as you wince, spreading your ass cheeks painfully wide as I thrust once more into your small tight asshole where you only allow your Owner. My heavy breathing over you while my palms press into your sides. You shriek out after another thrust inside you, your skin stretched painfully. Your head lays at the top of the bed unable to hold yourself up, and every time my balls slap against your cunt your head just barely touches the brass headboard. I pause and let out a moan, you take advantage of it to get in a proper breath before pushing back as hard as you can bring yourself to do even before I begin moving again, desperately trying to show me what a bitch you are for the cock splitting your asshole open. A moan from your lips surprises even yourself when your back arches a little bit more.


I grin and push inside you a few more times 'I knew my bitch loved this.' you shake your head muttering out 'no.. no' even if you know it's true. I smack your ass hard, hitting over your hand and you pull it away, releasing one of your own ass cheeks. You start to move it back but before you can my own hand grips in it's place, and pulls you hard, my cock slipping from you. I push you aside, forcing you to the floor growl out 'on your knees' before moving to the edge of the bed myself. You know intimately where my tool has been but your need to serve me is so much more important. By the time you get on your knees my hand is pulling you by your hair as my legs open more, and you shove your mouth down on my length, sucking hard and swirling your tongue around it.


Knowing what your Master loves from your time serving your fingertips move over my cum heavy balls, stroking gently over them. When I pull you up high enough so your throat isn't filled with me, lowering you to my sack you take immediate action. Thanking me for the chance to breath unobstructed, you desperately start lapping at my balls, running your tongue over it, sucking the best you can. I've trained you well and you know better then to leave my hard cock unattended. Quickly you wrap your small hand around me tight, stroking me slowly so that it can be enjoyed above your head while you lap at my balls.


My words interrupt your work 'You've been a good bitch, where do you want my cum slut' almost immediately you reply 'Inside your bitch's cunt Master.' I allow you back on the bed and just say 'show me.' You immediately get on the bed and spread your legs as wide as you can. Your sensitive slit barely touched so far wet dripping wet. You watch my lust filled eyes as I continue to touch myself while your lips are spread wide. You hurriedly stroke your clit, and it's not long before your back moves further away and you start asking to be filled. You finger fuck yourself with one hand while the other keeps moving around your clit, breathing heavier and heavier, desperately aching now. You ask once more and I allow it, pulling your legs around me and pushing my hard cock in between the dripping folds of your sex.


I moan and start moving faster eagerly in need of my own release as your tension builds itself, pushing back the best you can but it's not much. You just keep working your clit with my cock inside you, hoping you'll be allowed to cum with me. You can feel when I'm close and you work your fingers desperately faster, excited when you touch my cock fucking you. You just barely manage to get out 'Please let your.. let your bitch cum Master' I order back to cum with me. We both fight it for a few moments longer, wanting this to last forever, but it feels so good when it doesn't. Unsure if your release triggered mine or I triggered yours we both cum, and just hold each other tight as my seed fills you.


I'm sure your completely focused on work now.


M.

How it all started - a work in progress

DAMN! Had the best post ever and firefox restarted and its gone.

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This could be one of those stories about how i knew this was for me and have known for all my life. Sorry but in my case thats bullshit, sure i've always had this need to please and not being able to do just that upsets me. i want people happy and usually do my best to make sure they are. Sadly that has over the years also meant that i've always put others before myself. Which in my book isn't always a good thing. There is a fine line between doing your best and taking it to levels where it hurts you more then do good. What's even more sad is that there will always, always be people that uses your kindness.

So, how did all this start? i dont know, i honestly dont know. Sure i've always been the type of person to like the "kinky". Never the person to say no to rough sex or a set of handcuffs but thats it. About 3,5 years ago I ran into some people on-line who more or less pushed me into the world of D/s. It was exciting, new, fun and in a lot of way liberating. Always being the person to take control over things isn't easy, specially not when you realize you're only doing it cause its a must, not cause its a desire. Somewhere in the middle of all this i met Mr Evil. He was unlike anyone i ever met before and from the first moment we chatted i could tell there was something different about Him. We quickly became friends and then some. Thats how it all started. The journey was beginning.

At first it was all smiles and tons of emotions as He slowly guided me into the world of submission. But things didn't go as planned and i wasn't what he was looking for. Of course i wasn't. At the time i didn't know what i wanted and what to do with myself. We went on to a great friendship with the odd benefit here and there but i could never get The Man out of my head. He was always there and from time to time i even had dreams about him (Shh, dont tell Him that). During all of this i grew as a person and carefully started to figure out what i wanted. There were others (for both of us) but none like Him. There isn't a person in the world that can compete with Mr Evil.

Things continued as a roller coaster between us, there were smiles and there were tears. A lot of emotion passed by both of us for some time as we managed to not hurt only our selfs but also each other. We lost trust in each other and things just faded off into nothing. i can honestly say i was sad and He was missed. A lot of water had to pass under the bridge before we could build up the trust between us again. Now its stronger then ever and i'm so happy to have Him back in my life. i never get to blame things on Him but there is one thing he really needs to take the blame for (actually two but we'll get back to that).

Cause of Him i know myself better then ever before, my confidence is mountain high and i know He'll never ever do anything to make the ground crumble under me. He showed me sides of myself i didn't know was there. He made me love and desire things i used to hate. i can honestly say He makes me a better person and for that i'm thankful. We made it through so much to get here, but you know what. It was all worth it. I wouldn't trade the experience or Him for anything in the world.

Sadly, there is one last thing that has to be crossed. The Atlantic Ocean.

Suggestion

Was having a conversation with Mr Evil over skype before bed yesterday. Talking about what the rules are when writing this blog (yes, there are rules) and about what could, should and will be written on it. His suggestion was that i should post some of the more erotic e-mails He got from me over the years. That totally made my head spin, those e-mails werent written to be shared. They are written for Him and Him only. Dont know why it made me nervous thou, its not like anyone who reads this knows who i am anyway right? i guess its maybe cause they show a side of me no one ever seen, no one but Him that is. So the question still lays unanswered. Should i or shouldnt i post some of the e-mails happening between Him and me.

Was it a D/s couple or...

So last week i was strolling around in my favourite clothing store in the underwear department and this "normal" looking couple was standing next to me. my guess both the male and female was around 25-30 years old. The girl was looking at a specific set of underwear that was very transparent and you could understand from their conversation that it would show off her nipples. The male looked and her and shook his head with a loud No. She asked him what he meant and he (without any emotion on his face) said "not discussing this, you know what's allowed and what's not. I said no". She blushes deep red and puts it back on the rack. He put his hand at the back of her neck giving it a squeeze (thats when I saw what was around it). He smiles and tells her what a good girl she was and they walk away.

The whole thing made me smile and i cant help but wonder if this means i actually ran into my first random D/s couple. What do you think?


Why i find this interesting is something i'll have to save for another day and another post.

Hi and Welcome!

i dont really know how to start all this but Hi and Welcome to my new little corner of the world. i've been here and there all over the blogger community since early 2005 but as a new chapter is about to start in my life (in alot of way it already has) i felt it needed a new blog. There are things i know i'll be wanting to get out of my system and feel the need to write down that just doesnt fit on my "normal" blog. i'd kill my mom in a heartattack hehe.

Where the path i'm on really started i dont really know but i promise that as time goes by i'll do my best to sort my head out. Somethings has happened fast and others has taken time. One thing i do know is why i'm here and who is to blame for that... allthou this girl isnt totally sure He agrees. Right now i cant really tell you what this little corner of mine is going to be filled with but along with everything else i'm sure i'll figure that out too.
So once again, Welcome.